Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Websites that I waste time on

You've probably noticed that the majority of my posts here are to do with procrastination or even inspiration and in the same vein, we are going to be working with procrastination and the best sites for it.
Here are a few of my favourite sites for killing time on; visit at your own risk of time.

This is why I'm broke
This is why I'm broke is a site full of nerd-things, cool-things, odd-things and just general things that you can't afford/never will, with the exception of a few hip and vintage little gadgets and bits of jewellery you can pick up for a relatively low price.
Example of some of the great gift ideas...
+ Transformer USB Flash Drive - Just as cool as it sounds.
+ Moving Ink Blots Mask - Fancy being Rorschach from that movie with the blue penis? Do it.
+ Playstation Controller Soap Bar - Being clean is groovy baby.
+ Vintage Medic Style Messenger Bag - I'm in need of a new bag and this is looking like a prime-time candidate.

If you've got lots of money and don't want to indulge in a drug habit, why not buy a few bits and bobs from this fantastic on-line window-shopper.

The Wub Machine
A funky internet tool that let's you turn almost any song (it has a few problems with some songs) into a dubstep, house or drum and bass track.
This nifty little gadget has helped me murder time to an almost explicit degree by remixing some very unlikely songs.
Not that many songs these days don't have a dubstep remix, seriously, Bob the Builder dubstep? Mother of Jesus, yes!
A few songs I've butched with Wub Machine...
+ Bleed - Meshuggah
+ Oceansize - Catalyst
+ Fur Elise - Beethoven
+ When I'm Cleaning Windows - George Formby Sr.

Life Hacker
Lifehacking is something that I've loved since my first info-graphic, but this site takes it to an informative new level by providing you with work tips, cooking tips, tips for working out and some really well written articles that don't talk down to you, like some websites in a similar vein do.
It's a great website to frequent whether you're a person who spends a lot of time on the internet or even if you're just a casual internet user and let's face it, if you're here, you're probably the former.

A painfully obvious one for most internet abusers, this website will let you find ALMOST ANYTHING you want. The main reason I personally use YouTube is to engage in a bit of nostalgia or to watch a few LPers.
However, nothing keeps me coming back as much as episodes of old-school cartoons like Cow and Chicken and The Power Puff girls.
Videos I watch too much of...
How Not To Play Hitman
Stgggs Video's

Monday, 21 May 2012

Dear Food

Hello Food,

I saw you the other day, looking at me in the store; couldn't afford you though, not the good you anyway.
So instead, I bought your cheap cousin.
Although she hasn't managed to give me food poisoning yet, I'm feeling sick in the mornings, so I think you should know that you may need to get tested, just sayin'.

Evening/morning/afternoon everybody...
It's been awhile and with great disappointment in myself, I want to apologies for the lack on content as of recently, but this thing:
Has been causing me some real problems, so, I've been trying to remedy this situation to some effect, but very little.
Again, I would like to apologise and say hello to the people who follow me.


Alright? How you doin'?
Family good?
Yeah, you know, getting by and all that.

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Hostage at 15,000ft (Extract)

Nobody was expecting the plane to make such a big bang... Or such a high wall of flames, but it did. The sound of first class being burnt into the back of their seats is all that was incredibly audible at this exact point in time. The plane looks like a downed bird, wings broken and skin torn from its body in many different directions. The seats are covered in blood, odd bits of flesh, here and there and the still seated corpses of people who were lucky enough to be killed by shock or bits of debris, slicing and crushing, from the falling man-made disaster. It may be wise to omit how exactly the plane was downed, for now anyway, you know how these sorts of things work? You have to wait for the plot to expand; all good things come to the patient few.
                I lumber into this new world and it looks like hell has burned over; behind the plane a path of crumpled concrete, bruised to the point of annihilation, a flame trail that lead to ground zero. I remove my mask, throw it to the ground and move forward, away from flames. My face was sweating and beads of sweat dripped from my brow onto destroyed concrete. The crash has shaken the survivors, but, it feels like you’re walking through the spirit world... People stumbling around, their faces covered in gore, stepping around as if some important part of the brain was removed from their skulls. The streets had been set ablaze and the echoes of sirens were not far, but not close enough to be useful. Buildings began to crumble; the assault led by the wings on the architecture of the buildings was fierce and had no mercy on the immobile giants. It’s clear that someone had called the emergency services upon the initial impact, but the content of this call may have been... questionable and incoherent. It could be speculated that the services were only aware of what was happening due to word of mouth, not because of a panic induced phone call that described a plane crashing into the busy streets of London.
                I waver out of an emergency exit on the side of the plane; it had been deployed at some point during the drop. Clutching at my sides, I limp to look for safety and to look for what I was missing.
Dalton’s missing.
Dalton had planned the hijack for around 01:00am, but due to unforeseen circumstances had to start things a bit early; isn’t that always the way? Problems occur and you have to rush ahead with something you’re not completely comfortable with; it chills your fingertips and electrifies your spinal Colum.
The carbon fibre semi-automatic rifles that had been planted on the aeroplane earlier that day by our ‘guys on the inside’ were cracked out early, fully loaded and ready for the plan to be laid down in the most professional manner that we had planned.
We never intended things to get this out of hand, but there’s always some guy who wants to be a hero, some asshole who wants to be John-fucking- Maclane.
I won’t go into graphic details of how the pilots were shot to the point of no repair, but it happened, you know? Blood got everywhere, no-one could see out of the cockpit.
Both Dalton and I knew how to fly, but kept getting distracted by passengers who thought they could be heroes. I think at that point, everyone wanted to be a super-hero, just to fly away from this mess... Maybe saving a few loved ones in the process of liberating themselves from this mess.
                God only knows where Dalton is... Is it possible for him to be here or there? I mean, he could have been sliced in half by some vicious debris, soaring through the plane. Maybe he fell out of the plane prematurely and fell to be made into pulp by the ground below? Maybe the furious flames had ticked him and he was running around trying to put the fire out.
There was a time when the fire inside him was the brightest burning light, when we first started planning this caper; Dalton had a clear set of rules, principles and goals for us all to follow to make sure things are done the right way! This is not the right way.
                At a snail’s pace I waver out of the way of anything immediately dangerous and rest my back against a car that remained untouched in the heat of everything; the plane had missed it, the wings had already been destroyed by the buildings and the fire was far enough out of the way for it to be unaffected by all the chaos around to it. I clung to it, in hopes everything would stop being so manic, just for one moment, just let me catch my breath for a second.
It just seems to be one of those moments in life where gravity tightens around you and everything seems to be moving in slow-motion with a black and white filter lazily slapped over the top, just to make everything seem that little bit more epic and moving.
                My vision sways from side to side, looking for the only connection to all of this I had. He was probably dead, but I have to make sure, if the cops got him, he could sell us all out.
And if he sold us out, that could be a major problem for me; jail-time. I wouldn’t go down well in a prison; they’d pass me around like a peace-pipe, which is not my idea of fun.
It’s time to decide what to do; action needs to be taken and it won’t be taken if I just stay here, waiting for the emergency services to appear. They’d just have me wasting time, making sure I’m alright and then I’d have to write a statement about what happened; bullshit.
Just a short extract of something bigger I've been working on. Not so much for class, but, that is where the idea came from originally.
Hope you kids enjoy.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Top 5 reasons you should stop procrastinating

Despite the content of this list, I realise the irony of procrastinating by doing this and not actual work... But fuck it, right? Let's have some fun!

Get more done - You'll get more done if you stop procrastinating, which in turn makes everyone feel better! Not just you, but your significant other, your parent or your house-mates that have begun to worry if you'll ever actually do anything besides watch porn loudly at 3am.

Free time - If you stop thinking that procrastinating is your use of free-time, then you may actually be able to get some free time! Countless times my work schedule has been destroyed because of this bad boy. Just chilling on the interwebs? Checking out some funny pictures/videos? NOT COOL. That funny picture/video is not what it seems! It's the devil trying to tempt you away from the boring flock of people that do their work on time!

Dat success - Dat awkward moment when you actually finish work on time and have nothing to worry about? Sure, you could fill yourself up on this lovely feeling, or you could clean out your cupboard in search for that Christmas money you think is hidden in there.

Laughing at others - That's right! With the low low price of getting things done on time, you can mock others that haven't. Yes! And for a short period, if you finish your work now and order the hilarity then you'll get a free sense of superiority.


I didn't get this far, so here's a funny video.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Why I hate job hunting, the covering letter.

Why I hate job hunting, the covering letter.

                To whom it may concern,
Recently I have realised how much of an unhealthy feeling I feel towards you. Job hunting is the biggest pain in the ass activity that has ever been engaged in since the birth of the unemployed.
And frankly, at this point my mind just recoils in disgust with the amount of work people have to do to get to an interview only to be told that there is some other wanker sat out in the same hall as you were sat in, with more experience in the role!
Yes, I do understand that these people will get the job done faster, no that’s not what bothers me, what bothers me is that you don’t give people like me a chance!
We require the experience that you don’t give out, that we then don’t get to take away into our C.V.s.
This being said, I am far from perfect... Sure, I have experience in writing online for magazines, working in retail, working in bars and even a bit of admin work. Even when it comes to the interview I do not bomb it, but you never employ me.
Truth be told, I am a bit sadder than I am mad and for that, I must be a tad bit too much.
This role would suit me because... Because... I am a fucking people person. Devoting all my time to work? Sure, why not!? Flexible so it is possible to clean up other people’s shit? Of course, boss! Well presented? Yes, sir. Experience? ...Ummm, yeah, sure, why not?
You should hire me for this role, because I will starve and not be able to afford rent.

Attached is a copy of my dignity with all my references from other people that took my dignity, my qualifications that I thought might give me some dignity, and of course my experiences...

I look forward to hearing back from you. (Even though I never do. I feel like a child being deprived of a thank you from Santa at Christmas, because I did not get a thank you for the whiskey and cake I left out.)

Yours faithfully,

P.S. I did not flush in your bathroom.
P.P.S. Rude words are now written on your chairs in the waiting room.
P.P.P.S Please hire me.

Sorry guys and dolls

I'd just like to start this post by apologising for my lack of activity recently.
Been having lots of money troubles so I've been hard at the old job hunt, looking for something to bring in the potatoes.

What sorts of things do you guys do to job hunt? Is it as hard as everyone else says it is?
Let me know what you all think.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Top 5 wallpapers that keep me inspired/working!

You are not your fucking wallpaper, but, it feels good to have something that isn't the default bollocks!
Here is a list of wallpapers that keep me entertained/inspired/working.
I have a massive folder of wallpapers that would rival a anime fanatics anime folder.
So, here we go... 3... 2... 1...GO!





Hope you love some of these wallpapers as much as I do. If you require anymore wallpaper-ie goodness, let me know and I'll be sure to link some of ya'all up with some bitchin' walls.