Why I hate job hunting, the covering letter.
To whom it may concern,
Recently I have realised how much of an unhealthy feeling I feel towards you. Job hunting is the biggest pain in the ass activity that has ever been engaged in since the birth of the unemployed.
And frankly, at this point my mind just recoils in disgust with the amount of work people have to do to get to an interview only to be told that there is some other wanker sat out in the same hall as you were sat in, with more experience in the role!
Yes, I do understand that these people will get the job done faster, no that’s not what bothers me, what bothers me is that you don’t give people like me a chance!
We require the experience that you don’t give out, that we then don’t get to take away into our C.V.s.
This being said, I am far from perfect... Sure, I have experience in writing online for magazines, working in retail, working in bars and even a bit of admin work. Even when it comes to the interview I do not bomb it, but you never employ me.
Truth be told, I am a bit sadder than I am mad and for that, I must be a tad bit too much.
This role would suit me because... Because... I am a fucking people person. Devoting all my time to work? Sure, why not!? Flexible so it is possible to clean up other people’s shit? Of course, boss! Well presented? Yes, sir. Experience? ...Ummm, yeah, sure, why not?
You should hire me for this role, because I will starve and not be able to afford rent.
Attached is a copy of my dignity with all my references from other people that took my dignity, my qualifications that I thought might give me some dignity, and of course my experiences...
I look forward to hearing back from you. (Even though I never do. I feel like a child being deprived of a thank you from Santa at Christmas, because I did not get a thank you for the whiskey and cake I left out.)
P.S. I did not flush in your bathroom.
P.P.S. Rude words are now written on your chairs in the waiting room.
P.P.P.S Please hire me.